Chapter XIX
"Theodore Wieland, the prisoner at the bar, was now called upon for hisdefence. He looked around him for some time in silence, and with a mildcountenance. At length he spoke:
"It is strange; I am known to my judges and my auditors. Who is therepresent a stranger to the character of Wieland? who knows him not as anhusband--as a father--as a friend? yet here am I arraigned as criminal.I am charged with diabolical malice; I am accused of the murder of mywife and my children!
"It is true, they were slain by me; they all perished by my hand.The task of vindication is ignoble. What is it that I am called tovindicate? and before whom?
"You know that they are dead, and that they were killed by me. What morewould you have? Would you extort from me a statement of my motives? Haveyou failed to discover them already? You charge me with malice; but youreyes are not shut; your reason is still vigorous; your memory has notforsaken you. You know whom it is that you thus charge. The habits ofhis life are known to you; his treatment of his wife and hisoffspring is known to you; the soundness of his integrity, and theunchangeableness of his principles, are familiar to your apprehension;yet you persist in this charge! You lead me hither manacled as a felon;you deem me worthy of a vile and tormenting death!
"Who are they whom I have devoted to death? My wife--the little ones,that drew their being from me--that creature who, as she surpassedthem in excellence, claimed a larger affection than those whom naturalaffinities bound to my heart. Think ye that malice could have urged meto this deed? Hide your audacious fronts from the scrutiny of heaven.Take refuge in some cavern unvisited by human eyes. Ye may deplore yourwickedness or folly, but ye cannot expiate it.
"Think not that I speak for your sakes. Hug to your hearts thisdetestable infatuation. Deem me still a murderer, and drag me tountimely death. I make not an effort to dispel your illusion: I utternot a word to cure you of your sanguinary folly: but there are probablysome in this assembly who have come from far: for their sakes, whosedistance has disabled them from knowing me, I will tell what I havedone, and why.
"It is needless to say that God is the object of my supreme passion.I have cherished, in his presence, a single and upright heart. I havethirsted for the knowledge of his will. I have burnt with ardour toapprove my faith and my obedience.
"My days have been spent in searching for the revelation of that will;but my days have been mournful, because my search failed. I soliciteddirection: I turned on every side where glimmerings of light could bediscovered. I have not been wholly uninformed; but my knowledge hasalways stopped short of certainty. Dissatisfaction has insinuateditself into all my thoughts. My purposes have been pure; my wishesindefatigable; but not till lately were these purposes thoroughlyaccomplished, and these wishes fully gratified.
"I thank thee, my father, for thy bounty; that thou didst not ask a lesssacrifice than this; that thou placedst me in a condition to testify mysubmission to thy will! What have I withheld which it was thy pleasureto exact? Now may I, with dauntless and erect eye, claim my reward,since I have given thee the treasure of my soul.
"I was at my own house: it was late in the evening: my sister had goneto the city, but proposed to return. It was in expectation of her returnthat my wife and I delayed going to bed beyond the usual hour; the restof the family, however, were retired.
"My mind was contemplative and calm; not wholly devoid of apprehensionon account of my sister's safety. Recent events, not easily explained,had suggested the existence of some danger; but this danger waswithout a distinct form in our imagination, and scarcely ruffled ourtranquillity.
"Time passed, and my sister did not arrive; her house is at somedistance from mine, and though her arrangements had been made with aview to residing with us, it was possible that, through forgetfulness,or the occurrence of unforeseen emergencies, she had returned to her owndwelling.
"Hence it was conceived proper that I should ascertain the truth bygoing thither. I went. On my way my mind was full of these ideaswhich related to my intellectual condition. In the torrent of fervidconceptions, I lost sight of my purpose. Some times I stood still;some times I wandered from my path, and experienced some difficulty, onrecovering from my fit of musing, to regain it.
"The series of my thoughts is easily traced. At first every vein beatwith raptures known only to the man whose parental and conjugal loveis without limits, and the cup of whose desires, immense as it is,overflows with gratification. I know not why emotions that wereperpetual visitants should now have recurred with unusual energy. Thetransition was not new from sensations of joy to a consciousness ofgratitude. The author of my being was likewise the dispenser of everygift with which that being was embellished. The service to which abenefactor like this was entitled, could not be circ*mscribed. My socialsentiments were indebted to their alliance with devotion for all theirvalue. All passions are base, all joys feeble, all energies malignant,which are not drawn from this source.
"For a time, my contemplations soared above earth and its inhabitants.I stretched forth my hands; I lifted my eyes, and exclaimed, O! that Imight be admitted to thy presence; that mine were the supreme delight ofknowing thy will, and of performing it! The blissful privilege of directcommunication with thee, and of listening to the audible enunciation ofthy pleasure!
"What task would I not undertake, what privation would I not cheerfullyendure, to testify my love of thee? Alas! thou hidest thyself from myview: glimpses only of thy excellence and beauty are afforded me. Wouldthat a momentary emanation from thy glory would visit me! that someunambiguous token of thy presence would salute my senses!
"In this mood, I entered the house of my sister. It was vacant. Scarcelyhad I regained recollection of the purpose that brought me hither.Thoughts of a different tendency had such absolute possession of mymind, that the relations of time and space were almost obliterated frommy understanding. These wanderings, however, were restrained, and Iascended to her chamber.
"I had no light, and might have known by external observation, thatthe house was without any inhabitant. With this, however, I wasnot satisfied. I entered the room, and the object of my search notappearing, I prepared to return.
"The darkness required some caution in descending the stair. I stretchedmy hand to seize the balustrade by which I might regulate my steps.How shall I describe the lustre, which, at that moment, burst upon myvision!
"I was dazzled. My organs were bereaved of their activity. My eye-lidswere half-closed, and my hands withdrawn from the balustrade. A namelessfear chilled my veins, and I stood motionless. This irradiation did notretire or lessen. It seemed as if some powerful effulgence covered melike a mantle.
"I opened my eyes and found all about me luminous and glowing. It wasthe element of heaven that flowed around. Nothing but a fiery stream wasat first visible; but, anon, a shrill voice from behind called upon meto attend.
"I turned: It is forbidden to describe what I saw: Words, indeed, wouldbe wanting to the task. The lineaments of that being, whose veil was nowlifted, and whose visage beamed upon my sight, no hues of pencil or oflanguage can pourtray.
"As it spoke, the accents thrilled to my heart. "Thy prayers are heard.In proof of thy faith, render me thy wife. This is the victim I chuse.Call her hither, and here let her fall."--The sound, and visage, andlight vanished at once.
"What demand was this? The blood of Catharine was to be shed! My wifewas to perish by my hand! I sought opportunity to attest my virtue.Little did I expect that a proof like this would have been demanded.
"My wife! I exclaimed: O God! substitute some other victim. Make menot the butcher of my wife. My own blood is cheap. This will I pourout before thee with a willing heart; but spare, I beseech thee, thisprecious life, or commission some other than her husband to perform thebloody deed.
"In vain. The conditions were prescribed; the decree had gone forth, andnothing remained but to execute it. I rushed out of the house and acrossthe intermediate fields, and stopped not till I entered my own parl
our."My wife had remained here during my absence, in anxious expectation ofmy return with some tidings of her sister. I had none to communicate.For a time, I was breathless with my speed: This, and the tremorsthat shook my frame, and the wildness of my looks, alarmed her. Sheimmediately suspected some disaster to have happened to her friend, andher own speech was as much overpowered by emotion as mine.
"She was silent, but her looks manifested her impatience to hear what Ihad to communicate. I spoke, but with so much precipitation as scarcelyto be understood; catching her, at the same time, by the arm, andforcibly pulling her from her seat.
"Come along with me: fly: waste not a moment: time will be lost, and thedeed will be omitted. Tarry not; question not; but fly with me!
"This deportment added afresh to her alarms. Her eyes pursued mine, andshe said, "What is the matter? For God's sake what is the matter? Wherewould you have me go?"
"My eyes were fixed upon her countenance while she spoke. I thoughtupon her virtues; I viewed her as the mother of my babes: as my wife:I recalled the purpose for which I thus urged her attendance. My heartfaltered, and I saw that I must rouse to this work all my faculties. Thedanger of the least delay was imminent.
"I looked away from her, and again exerting my force, drew her towardsthe door--'You must go with me--indeed you must.'
"In her fright she half-resisted my efforts, and again exclaimed, 'Goodheaven! what is it you mean? Where go? What has happened? Have you foundClara?"
"Follow me, and you will see," I answered, still urging her reluctantsteps forward.
"What phrenzy has seized you? Something must needs have happened. Is shesick? Have you found her?"
"Come and see. Follow me, and know for yourself."
"Still she expostulated and besought me to explain this mysteriousbehaviour. I could not trust myself to answer her; to look at her; butgrasping her arm, I drew her after me. She hesitated, rather throughconfusion of mind than from unwillingness to accompany me. Thisconfusion gradually abated, and she moved forward, but with irresolutefootsteps, and continual exclamations of wonder and terror. Herinterrogations Of "what was the matter?" and "whither was I going?" wereceaseless and vehement.
"It was the scope of my efforts not to think; to keep up a conflict anduproar in my mind in which all order and distinctness should be lost;to escape from the sensations produced by her voice. I was, therefore,silent. I strove to abridge this interval by my haste, and to waste allmy attention in furious gesticulations.
"In this state of mind we reached my sister's door. She looked at thewindows and saw that all was desolate--"Why come we here? There is nobody here. I will not go in."
"Still I was dumb; but opening the door, I drew her into the entry. Thiswas the allotted scene: here she was to fall. I let go her hand, andpressing my palms against my forehead, made one mighty effort to work upmy soul to the deed.
"In vain; it would not be; my courage was appalled; my arms nerveless:I muttered prayers that my strength might be aided from above. Theyavailed nothing.
"Horror diffused itself over me. This conviction of my cowardice, myrebellion, fastened upon me, and I stood rigid and cold as marble. Fromthis state I was somewhat relieved by my wife's voice, who renewed hersupplications to be told why we came hither, and what was the fate of mysister.
"What could I answer? My words were broken and inarticulate. Her fearsnaturally acquired force from the observation of these symptoms; butthese fears were misplaced. The only inference she deduced from myconduct was, that some terrible mishap had befallen Clara.
"She wrung her hands, and exclaimed in an agony, "O tell me, where isshe? What has become of her? Is she sick? Dead? Is she in her chamber? Olet me go thither and know the worst!"
"This proposal set my thoughts once more in motion. Perhaps what myrebellious heart refused to perform here, I might obtain strength enoughto execute elsewhere.
"Come then," said I, "let us go."
"I will, but not in the dark. We must first procure a light."
"Fly then and procure it; but I charge you, linger not. I will await foryour return.
"While she was gone, I strode along the entry. The fellness of a gloomyhurricane but faintly resembled the discord that reigned in my mind. Toomit this sacrifice must not be; yet my sinews had refused to performit. No alternative was offered. To rebel against the mandate wasimpossible; but obedience would render me the executioner of my wife. Mywill was strong, but my limbs refused their office.
"She returned with a light; I led the way to the chamber; she lookedround her; she lifted the curtain of the bed; she saw nothing.
"At length, she fixed inquiring eyes upon me. The light now enabled herto discover in my visage what darkness had hitherto concealed. Hercares were now transferred from my sister to myself, and she said ina tremulous voice, "Wieland! you are not well: What ails you? Can I donothing for you?"
"That accents and looks so winning should disarm me of my resolution,was to be expected. My thoughts were thrown anew into anarchy. I spreadmy hand before my eyes that I might not see her, and answered only bygroans. She took my other hand between her's, and pressing it to herheart, spoke with that voice which had ever swayed my will, and waftedaway sorrow.
"My friend! my soul's friend! tell me thy cause of grief. Do I not meritto partake with thee in thy cares? Am I not thy wife?"
"This was too much. I broke from her embrace, and retired to a cornerof the room. In this pause, courage was once more infused into me. Iresolved to execute my duty. She followed me, and renewed her passionateentreaties to know the cause of my distress.
"I raised my head and regarded her with stedfast looks. I mutteredsomething about death, and the injunctions of my duty. At these wordsshe shrunk back, and looked at me with a new expression of anguish.After a pause, she clasped her hands, and exclaimed--
"O Wieland! Wieland! God grant that I am mistaken; but surely somethingis wrong. I see it: it is too plain: thou art undone--lost to me andto thyself." At the same time she gazed on my features with intensestanxiety, in hope that different symptoms would take place. I replied toher with vehemence--
"Undone! No; my duty is known, and I thank my God that my cowardice isnow vanquished, and I have power to fulfil it. Catharine! I pity theweakness of thy nature: I pity thee, but must not spare. Thy life isclaimed from my hands: thou must die!"
"Fear was now added to her grief. 'What mean you? Why talk you of death?Bethink yourself, Wieland: bethink yourself, and this fit will pass. Owhy came I hither! Why did you drag me hither?'
"I brought thee hither to fulfil a divine command. I am appointed thydestroyer, and destroy thee I must." Saying this I seized her wrists.She shrieked aloud, and endeavoured to free herself from my grasp; buther efforts were vain.
"Surely, surely Wieland, thou dost not mean it. Am I not thy wife? andwouldst thou kill me? Thou wilt not; and yet--I see--thou art Wielandno longer! A fury resistless and horrible possesses thee--Spareme--spare--help--help--"
"Till her breath was stopped she shrieked for help--for mercy. Whenshe could speak no longer, her gestures, her looks appealed to mycompassion. My accursed hand was irresolute and tremulous. I meantthy death to be sudden, thy struggles to be brief. Alas! my heart wasinfirm; my resolves mutable. Thrice I slackened my grasp, and life keptit* hold, though in the midst of pangs. Her eye-balls started from theirsockets. Grimness and distortion took place of all that used to bewitchme into transport, and subdue me into reverence.
"I was commissioned to kill thee, but not to torment thee with theforesight of thy death; not to multiply thy fears, and prolong thyagonies. Haggard, and pale, and lifeless, at length thou ceasedst tocontend with thy destiny.
"This was a moment of triumph. Thus had I successfully subdued thestubbornness of human passions: the victim which had been demanded wasgiven: the deed was done past recal.
"I lifted the corpse in my arms and laid it on the bed. I gazed uponit with delight. Such was the elation of my thoughts, that I even bro
keinto laughter. I clapped my hands and exclaimed, 'It is done! My sacredduty is fulfilled! To that I have sacrificed, O my God! thy last andbest gift, my wife!'
"For a while I thus soared above frailty. I imagined I had set myselfforever beyond the reach of selfishness; but my imaginations were false.This rapture quickly subsided. I looked again at my wife. My joyousebullitions vanished, and I asked myself who it was whom I saw?Methought it could not be Catharine. It could not be the woman who hadlodged for years in my heart; who had slept, nightly, in my bosom; whohad borne in her womb, who had fostered at her breast, the beings whocalled me father; whom I had watched with delight, and cherished with afondness ever new and perpetually growing: it could not be the same.
"Where was her bloom! These deadly and blood-suffused orbs but illresemble the azure and exstatic tenderness of her eyes. The lucid streamthat meandered over that bosom, the glow of love that was wont to situpon that cheek, are much unlike these livid stains and this hideousdeformity. Alas! these were the traces of agony; the gripe of theassassin had been here!
"I will not dwell upon my lapse into desperate and outrageous sorrow.The breath of heaven that sustained me was withdrawn and I sunk intoMERE MAN. I leaped from the floor: I dashed my head against the wall:I uttered screams of horror: I panted after torment and pain. Eternalfire, and the bickerings of hell, compared with what I felt, were musicand a bed of roses.
"I thank my God that this degeneracy was transient, that he deigned oncemore to raise me aloft. I thought upon what I had done as a sacrifice toduty, and WAS CALM. My wife was dead; but I reflected, that though thissource of human consolation was closed, yet others were still open. Ifthe transports of an husband were no more, the feelings of a father hadstill scope for exercise. When remembrance of their mother should excitetoo keen a pang, I would look upon them, and BE COMFORTED.
"While I revolved these ideas, new warmth flowed in upon my heart--I waswrong. These feelings were the growth of selfishness. Of this I wasnot aware, and to dispel the mist that obscured my perceptions, a neweffulgence and a new mandate were necessary.
"From these thoughts I was recalled by a ray that was shot into theroom. A voice spake like that which I had before heard--'Thou hast donewell; but all is not done--the sacrifice is incomplete--thy childrenmust be offered--they must perish with their mother!--'"
